I feel like i am the person and i can confirm it is absolute hell, there is a constant need to have interesting conversations with new people but starting them is basically my worst fear
Could just mean smaller friend groups as well. I conceptualize the major difference as introverts recharge by being alone and extroverts recharge by being around people. There was some recent research that disputed the concept of introverts and extroverts altogether, noting that when introverts became more regularly connected to people, their mental health improved. Introversion might just be the sum of our fears about connection that keep us from living a fuller life, with avoidance taking the role of an unhealthy coping mechanism for being unwilling to face our social fears. I say THAT because a lot of research has come to the conclusion that we are wired for connection and that the presence of close relationships is a strong predictor of the length of our life.
I also say this as someone with raging social anxiety, it sucks and I just get overwhelmed within a couple hours.
Introverts don’t not want social connection. They just prefer a smaller number of deeper connections. “You’re not people” is a common sentiment from introverts to their closest friends and family. Most introverts still have and enjoy social connection. They just prefer it in an intimate or chill setting to large groups.
I agree with most/all of this, it just seems like the question is, do they prefer those chill settings because of the increased intimacy OR the safety and relative lack of chaos. Increased positive experiences or decreased aversion? By aversion, I mean, are there sensory issues with crowds? feelings of overwhelm? more social anxiety at the uncertain? etc.
In other words, would introverts who had stronger social skills and newly managed social anxiety symptoms still make the same choices? I think the answer is a pretty solid “I/We don’t know” but at least people are working on finding out!
a lot of research has come to the conclusion that we are wired for connection and that the presence of close relationships is a strong predictor of the length of our life.
Well I gotta restructure my retirement funds for some short but quality time
Unfortunately there has also been research that shows money only influences happiness up to a certain point, and then, after that only affects happiness if it is spent on quality shared experiences with friends and loved ones.
Sorry mang, I can make a pretty good case that the research shows you need to have close people in your life for connection and happiness, we’re hardwired and coded for it. So hey, I think you’re probably a person worth knowing and that there’s somebody you’d really get along with, living not far from you. To a degree, interpersonal avoidance is choosing safety now to pay with loneliness later. Take care.
Yeah, there’s definitely a hassle vs reward calculus that quickly gets figured. Usually the hassle side of the equation is a little too high unless its something that can be quickly and easily fixed. Like if they forgot something it’s very easy to just go “oh, and can I please get …” which usually immediately reminds them and they go grab it.
Or if the food got royally fucked then engagement can become worth it, even over something harder to fix. Like, if my steak is well done and I ordered med rare, I kinda want either a new steak or a comped meal.
I’m pretty sure that’s just social anxiety and not being an introvert.
Yep. I met extroverts who are absolutely terrified at standing up for themselves.
Damn, I never considered that combination before. Being extroverted with social anxiety would be awful.
I feel like i am the person and i can confirm it is absolute hell, there is a constant need to have interesting conversations with new people but starting them is basically my worst fear
Could just mean smaller friend groups as well. I conceptualize the major difference as introverts recharge by being alone and extroverts recharge by being around people. There was some recent research that disputed the concept of introverts and extroverts altogether, noting that when introverts became more regularly connected to people, their mental health improved. Introversion might just be the sum of our fears about connection that keep us from living a fuller life, with avoidance taking the role of an unhealthy coping mechanism for being unwilling to face our social fears. I say THAT because a lot of research has come to the conclusion that we are wired for connection and that the presence of close relationships is a strong predictor of the length of our life.
I also say this as someone with raging social anxiety, it sucks and I just get overwhelmed within a couple hours.
Introverts don’t not want social connection. They just prefer a smaller number of deeper connections. “You’re not people” is a common sentiment from introverts to their closest friends and family. Most introverts still have and enjoy social connection. They just prefer it in an intimate or chill setting to large groups.
I agree with most/all of this, it just seems like the question is, do they prefer those chill settings because of the increased intimacy OR the safety and relative lack of chaos. Increased positive experiences or decreased aversion? By aversion, I mean, are there sensory issues with crowds? feelings of overwhelm? more social anxiety at the uncertain? etc.
In other words, would introverts who had stronger social skills and newly managed social anxiety symptoms still make the same choices? I think the answer is a pretty solid “I/We don’t know” but at least people are working on finding out!
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Well I gotta restructure my retirement funds for some short but quality time
Unfortunately there has also been research that shows money only influences happiness up to a certain point, and then, after that only affects happiness if it is spent on quality shared experiences with friends and loved ones.
Sorry mang, I can make a pretty good case that the research shows you need to have close people in your life for connection and happiness, we’re hardwired and coded for it. So hey, I think you’re probably a person worth knowing and that there’s somebody you’d really get along with, living not far from you. To a degree, interpersonal avoidance is choosing safety now to pay with loneliness later. Take care.
Could be because someone is introverted as well, and just can’t be bothered to deal and talk to the waiter to sort the issue out.
That’s me. I’ll also eat pretty much anything, so it’s really not a big deal.
My wife won’t do it because of anxiety, though.
I don’t mind that at most restaurants where all the ingredients are pretty much the same. Chinese restaurants, Mexican restaurants, sure.
But breakfast restaurants - that’s my line in the sand. I refuse to have my eggs any differently.
Good point. About the only way I can stomach eggs is being scrambled. Any other way and it becomes a texture/smell issue.
Otherwise ya, I’d be ok if restaurants just had a random ‘button’
That’s less of introvertedness and more a lackadaisical attitude
Yeah, there’s definitely a hassle vs reward calculus that quickly gets figured. Usually the hassle side of the equation is a little too high unless its something that can be quickly and easily fixed. Like if they forgot something it’s very easy to just go “oh, and can I please get …” which usually immediately reminds them and they go grab it.
Or if the food got royally fucked then engagement can become worth it, even over something harder to fix. Like, if my steak is well done and I ordered med rare, I kinda want either a new steak or a comped meal.
Yeah I suppose there is a line between ignoring the mistake and having to tell the waiter what the issue is, I mean especially with meat.