• Apytele@sh.itjust.works
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    3 months ago

    As someone into this, you have to find men who are respectful enough to stop if things are moving too fast or you’re not lubed up enough yet, and that’s difficult for a bunch of different but interrelated reasons, one of them just being that finding multiple trustworthy people is just statistically less likely than finding one trustworthy person even before you factor in gender dynamics.

    I’ve noticed even the most sexually respectful men have at least a tiny pain kink, even if it’s just a little bit of an “oof” or squeak from going in too hard or fast because it makes them feel like their dick is bigger. 90% of the time that’s not really a problem (and sometimes you really do just want to get fucking pounded and feel that stretch so it works out for everybody) but a first DP really needs to be taken slow. And that’s even just from a logistics standpoint and even if you’ve practiced with dildos because you can put a dildo at any angle you damn well please but a dick is attached to a wholeass person that has their own comfort needs including what angles can be held and for how long.

    So you need to find men you trust enough to not get carried away and be constantly checking in even nonverbally that your body is relaxed and you’re not wincing or moaning in the wrong way despite the fact that they’re doing this absolutely wild and taboo act and it’s hard to find one guy like that, and generally men that care that much about your wellbeing are also the men who are staying around for a long-term relationship, and THOSE men are almost to a man monogamous. So you can almost definitely find one guy that’s willing to go slow enough for anal to be enjoyable, or to insert a dildo into your vagina or anus while also fucking you but the guys who are respectful enough for that to actually be enjoyable are rarely the ones who want to share. Last time I was even in a threeway it was the dude that wound up getting doubled so like.

    • loie@lemmy.world
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      3 months ago

      Did not expect to learn this today.

      Or any day really but definitely not today

      • Apytele@sh.itjust.works
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        3 months ago

        A shocking number of women are just absolute fucking freaks once you remove the consequences of being a freak, namely both intentional and unintentional physical injury, but also social consequences and unwanted pregnancy. Because I’m so open about this kind of thing I actually get a lot of women asking for advice on stuff like anal or restraints. Those women are out there, and dare I say even common, they just have to feel safe enough to let that shit out. When you make sure it’s completely her choice and she knows you’ll do everything in your power to make sure it doesn’t hurt and she’ll have the utmost privacy and won’t be forced to carry an unwanted pregnancy you might be shocked what many women will even ask to do.

        TL;DR: all the weird dudes throughout history just running hogwild with rampant control / domination fetishes primarily distributed through religious extremism ruined sex for the rest of you. I was raised by fundies and a buuunch of them are hiding some pretty wild kinks under all that Bible thumping. The dude who was advocating for mutilating baby penises and made most of his money selling breakfast cereal also invented a special chair for blasting several gallons of yogurt up your butt over the course of just a few minutes, and somehow all in the name of sexual purity.

    • KyuubiNoKitsune@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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      3 months ago

      Damn, reading this makes me feel lucky to be part of a kink/sex community that has a lot of respectful guys. I wanna do it but I’ve not done anal even, so we shall see.

      • theangryseal@lemmy.world
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        3 months ago

        Reading this just reminds me how vanilla I am. Like, I’ll watch y’all get down for four minutes on video one Tuesday a month, but naaah, I’m good on the actually being there and being a part of it part.

        • KyuubiNoKitsune@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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          3 months ago

          Lol, why specifically on a Tuesday?

          Nothing wrong with vanilla, if you’re happy with what you are, that’s all that counts.

          I enjoy the excitement of group sex and having sex with different partners. I don’t orgasm with other people, so for me it’s just the novel excitement and intimacy. But because I enjoy it doesn’t mean anyone else needs to.

      • Apytele@sh.itjust.works
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        3 months ago

        It’s mostly me cussing out the government for not paying me or my coworkers enough to really provide good mental health care and weird historical and multicultural funeral traditions. Sometimes there’s some overlap though, like in some parts of the world its customary to hire strippers for funerals.

    • MTK@lemmy.world
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      3 months ago

      I didn’t think pain kink is common. As a guy, if my partner seems in pain I instantly lose half my erection out of worry that I hurt them.

      Which is a real problem when your partner’s pleasured face is the same as their pained face.