Depressed? Buy these meds! Or spend your money on these therapies, visit these Facebook pages/YouTube channels where we can show you more ads under the guise of providing advice.

Monkey? Buy this chic barrel! Visit your jungle homeland by booking through this travel site.

They want to know everything about you so they can sell you (and everyone who fits in the same bucket as you) very specific things that you’re more likely to buy.

Whataboutism?

"I found something better, but I’m not able to divulge what it is at this time. "

Or

“You! You’re the reason I’m quitting.”

“I won the lottery! No, you can’t have any.”

Or, Give each of them a different reason and watch them go crazy trying to figure it out.

In addition to what others have posted, as long as you’re honest about it just being a hat and not making any special claims about it (like it was owned or worn by a famous person), I think you’re good.

Nope. And I won’t ask you which one, cuz still nope.