I know people mean it well and I respect that. But it’s a little indirect insult, when their first reaction is to assume that you feel bad about it and to patronize you.
Of course there are people with that mindset among short dating men who often aggressively blame women’s standards. So I try to be not too upset about it.
She, as an obese person herself, proposed that “obese” is equivalent to the n-word. She didn’t censor her word the same way a black person doesn’t have to censor the n-word. That’s not a contradiction. It would be, if she wasn’t obese.
Not that I care about the actual point, just wanted to talk about the logic. My bad, if my assumption that she is obese, is wrong.