dumb ( stupid ) : missing the sense in talk ( Sometimes get the sense when re-thought later )
I do most daily routines and has good relationship with known persons. But, the dumb feeling pulls me back ( eg: “not creating” new friends , not getting another job/getting out of comfort zone )
What do you “passively” do to overcome this ? Else , what are the active tasks you do?
This may get long, but it’s good info. Please bear with the length.
Honestly OP, I feel like based on how you’ve worded things that this may be a result of anxiety (symptom or disorder, couldn’t tell you). Important note: if this is an ongoing thing, you may have trained yourself to ignore it.
First, some background: Feeling stupid can happen because when you feel anxiety, your frontal lobe (where you think) turns off. Anxiety is a form of fight or flight, and when that kicks in, your amygdalas (base of brain) block off the thinking part of your brain.
To your points:
-Missing things in conversation and catching them later often happens when you’re back to a safe place and you come out of fight or flight and your frontal lobe turns back on.
-Not making new friends, because social is new or “work” to meet new people. If you’re feeling anxious you’re not going to have the energy to want to do that. (You kinda mentioned this by not wanting to get out of your comfort zone).
-Passively, the steps are hard to give in a general sense. Usually I’d suggest you’re pushing too hard in your life or (maybe accidentally) ignoring triggers. Actively, there are grounding exercises for anxiety, but they are only a bandaid of your life is constantly pushing you to high stress.
-You made a comment about making notes but not wanting to feel silly. Feeling like you’re being watched or judged can also be a symptom of you’re anxious.
I am not a therapist but I have an extensive amount of psychology research and years of therapy that I have gone through for several things including anxiety. Feel free to message me if you want to dig in more! If you don’t, I would recommend a counselor to help dig into your situation either way. I can’t express how helpful it can be.
Oh my god this would explain so much
Often feel like I cycle between being an absolute fool and being sharp and on point, had never considered that might be tied to being anxious
Feel like I could take over the world if I could control that
I suppose this is what’s behind when people thrust a mic in someone’s face, ask them something simple like “name a woman” and they completely fail to answer?
Absolutely, it’s hard to feel so held back because you know what you’re capable of when you’re calm and feeling safe, but not all hope is lost.
Anxiety (fight or flight) happens when there is a real or perceived danger to self in some way. That could be physical safety, stress, lost of resources like time or money, and so on. You can find a full list of what may feel threatened on Maslow’s Hierarchy (or Pyramid) of Needs (linked below).
The trick is, learning these triggers. They can be tricky because you’ve likely trained yourself to ignore them over the years by trying to push through the anxiety. You begin to train yourself to notice them again by focusing on feelings (as above–physical sensations). The practice of Mindfulness is the name of this discipline. Your body will warn you with some sort of physical feeling before you’re in full fight or flight. It can be tricky to learn this, but it’s a game changer once you get the hang of it.
Freezing people up with questions: yes 100% they’re editing the video to show the people the social anxiety. Not very cash money of them.
Maslow’s Hierarchy: https://www.simplypsychology.org/maslow.html
TIL, thank you <3
This one paragraph explained a lot for me why during my anxiety attacks I feel like I cannot do anything. I gonna try to rationalize this information next time it triggers. Recently I had good results with doing long walks (compared to my sitting life) with doggo.
I find it helpful in two ways - when I already got an attack I go with him to stop. This one is kinda coping mechanism to get away from the trigger.
Other thing is I started to make it into my routine to go on longer walks, and during them I explore some topics I find uncomfortable and it makes them less threatening than when I sit at home. The goal is to get accustomed to the feeling, take it in environment that is safe space to explore it. I want to be able to identify it and then maybe could teach myself to react differently, instead of crippling myself.
So first off, I’m so happy that you found my comment helpful! This is a hobby but I am working to be a professional in the field so that’s a huge compliment to me!
Next, good job listening to your body! This may also surprise you, but for years we have found that “forward motion” (meaning working towards goals or overcoming obstacles) is therapeutic. However recently, it was shown in a study under Standford University that literally forward motion (i.e. walking) medically, measurably, calms nerves relating to stress! The mechanism is called optic flow, and I’ll leave a link for the study down below if you want to geek out with me.
So anyway, what it sounds like is that the natural calming nature of walking (optic flow) is being used to combat stress coming from stressful topics while you process them. It’s pretty cool what we com up with when we’re honest with ourselves about how we feel. Great work!
Easy to read article: https://scopeblog.stanford.edu/2020/06/03/setting-your-biological-clock-reducing-stress-while-sheltering-in-place/
Research paper: (sorry for the monster link, it’s a paid paper if you don’t have the referral from Scientific American) https://www.nature.com/articles/s41586-018-0078-2.epdf?sharing_token=p2UzdMPooyCx94wCmteRk9RgN0jAjWel9jnR3ZoTv0N7LNPtyt24kJUb6fcoG7oz5k1aLZNMW5HRMMzeNl4Rw5jrMEG6mGGD30qcY4221bnbNhRUVP8a-1cSgXlo7Gyhg2HiZ3fuhFE2wvVLmBJzHQQM5sXoxJVvfmSOXhLHYNcun-6DFm9r79C4sVWdCRXkNVowKUb8yVq_LDC5IKI5r0EhchYvQFWyeXRMcqoIF8VvElqtq8PxX_8xrXFPGwweqluRA-I6X2OpoYyJXDKiF1OlQfJHr_UiLRuCFx57j3g02yzoQEPU3jnwAd2MSIrk&tracking_referrer=www.scientificamerican.com
Thanks!
It took many years to start to know myself, I neglected myself by improperly understanding stoicism that correlated with some mental issues and low self esteem. Many triggers I had I just broke thru with pain, always felt exhausted. There was no sense of accomplishment in the struggle as things I struggle with are normal things for regular people, that’s what I told myself, so I should not make a fuss.
It takes a lot of effort to have compassion for one self.
Thank you for this lengthy reply ! Yes, I do have social anxiety. I do try to break it many times but inherently it is there. Without a very good reason, I will keep it in the comfort zone ( lazyness + anxiety , I guess ).
I may need a set of friends who are not judgemental.
Don’t forget to be your own friend too. If you’re feeling burnt out, your body is trying to tell you something. That doesn’t make you less of a person for it!