That kid takes union shits. I approve.
Now leave your phone on the table and let’s see how long it takes then.
Just did, I still got earphones tho. Took 4 songs long. But desolation row is an 11 mins song
That song is a banger
Goddamn right it is
Eh, I’ve read every label on cleaning products at least thrice, just around an hour.
what having a phone does to a mf
People who use their phone while pooping are gross.
Read a book that everyone else in the bathroom has been touching like we did in the old days!
Forget your phone, no books. Guess I am reading the chemical composition of air freshener today…
How do you guys have your hands free to hold a phone or book?
For real, aren’t they manually extracting the feces from their rectum like we are?
I’m not gonna ask
I poop with my feet so may hands are free
Maybe he’s not constipated. Maybe he just takes really long shits. Like bowl filling poos that almost come back up to touch your butt. 2 straight hours of non-stop healthy shit coming out.
You sit on the toilet to poop, but the poop never stops coming out of your butt. You have to start flushing the toilet every two minutes to keep up. You try to pinch your butt closed but that makes your insides hurt. The poop accelerates. You call 911. The paramedics call for doctors. The doctors call for specialists. The story trends on Twitter. You turn down talk show appearances. Your septic tank fails. People form a cult. Your toilet is finished. Volunteers arrive with buckets and shovels. You are completely used to the smell. The poop accelerates. You are moved to a stepladder with a hole in the top step. The poop accelerates. The shovelers abandon the buckets and shovel directly out the window. The poop accelerates. A candlelight vigil forms around your house. One of the workers falls over and can’t free himself. The poop accelerates. A priest knocks over the stepladder and tackles you out the window. You land in the pile. The poop accelerates. The force now propels you forward and upward. Vigil goers grab at your legs. The poop ignites from their candles. The Facebook live event hits 1 million viewers. The poop accelerates. You are 30 feet in the air. The fire engulfs the vigil and your house. 60 feet. The poop accelerates. The torrent underneath you is deafening. 5 million Facebook live viewers. You try to close up shop but your butthole disintegrated long ago. 120 feet up. Your house explodes. The poop accelerates. 1000 feet. You are now tracked on radar. You try to change your angle of ascent but you should have thought of that way earlier. The poop accelerates. 4,000 feet. NORAD upgrades to DEFCON 3. Concentric circles of fire engulf your city. The poop accelerates. You have broken the sound barrier. 30,000 feet. You no longer take in enough oxygen to sustain consciousness. 60,000 feet. CNN is reporting on all the world records you’ve broken. 200,000 feet. You are no longer alive. The poop accelerates. Your body disintegrates but your poop contrail remains. NASA can no longer track you. You break the light-speed barrier and we can no longer bear witness. The poop accelerates. Forever.
It has been a while sice i have seen this
Keep going, I’m so close
(Not really)
Was this written by AI? Because this would be a really funny use of AI.
Nah it’s a classic pasta
Good one
This is the story of this man if he did not know how to control his power.
2 hours is a lot, but some folks do have conditions that make pooping take longer. I’m one of those people and it was always aggravating as fuck getting in trouble for pooping. I ended up just holding it all day for the most part even when it became painful.
You’re not alone. I stay a minimum of 20 minutes every time with or without a phone. That’s just how it works for me.
Psyllium husk. It’ll change your life for the better.
Ispaghol we call it here
Probably just needs more fiber
Jesus, someone get that kid to a doctor.
That kid is going to have piles the size of grapefruit.
I seriously wish all of you slow shitters not to ever find out that you have a hemorrhoid problem.
Kids a genius, figured out office jobs in elementary.
Ahh the serial killer font handwriting, truly whimsical
2h 15mins?
Those are rookie numbers!
2hrs 15 minutes? Dang that’s a fast record!
same
