I apologize in advance if posts like this are not welcome here.
I have a friend circle of 6 guys including me. Before some of us got jobs, we used to play games everyday, hang out together if we are in town. Everyone was chill, enjoyed games more and mostly respected each other to some degree.
After getting jobs we still made time to play and hang out, but not as frequently. I only get time to play games with them on the weekends as my job is in a different time zone. But I still call or text them nearly everyday. Some of them play every single day (kind of addicted to GTA online and valorant for some reason).
But in the last couple of months I have noticed a shift in their behavior. Talking behind each others backs and always getting offended for the silliest of things. This is especially true for those who continued to mindlessly play every single day (they work on the same startup company as well).
I always knew that there was one guy among us who would unnecessarily run his mouth. But I always thought of it as his way of having fun. Mybe it was his way of feeling included. Idk. So I never took any of his ramblings to heart. But everything hits differently now, in a bad way. Every conversation feels like I’m walking on eggshells. Now the others are also starting to become like him.
It’s not just me who thought this way. Another guy who have been besties for a long time with the blabbermouth guy personally called me and told that the whole group feels like it’s infected by something and shared thoughts similar to mine.
I want to call it out, but i’m not sure how to do that in a thoughtful way. I just want them to reflect on themselves, not that I have any right to say that. I’m not afraid of offending them as it’s almost impossible to say anything meaningful without doing so.
Thank you for reading. I hope you have a wonderful day.
I have to ask, when you say getting offended for the silliest of things, can you give a couple examples? People definitely sometimes get offended over really silly things, but people also tend to dismiss it as silly when they themselves are being legitimately offensive and just not really taking it seriously enough to consider it.
Here are a few examples from the top of my head -
One person forgot to mention his own birthday date to the problem guys, and they just started seeing him as a traitor, always spawn killing him in games, intentionally body blocking in FPS games… etc. I feel bad for him. It was fun to watch for the first few times, then it became basically every day. That guy stopped playing games altogether for sometime.
Always interprets offensive meaning from anyone he / they don’t like.
The main ‘problem guy’ can make fun of others, but once anyone starts making fun of him/ trolls him - he will leave the chat and will constantly kill the mood for an entire week if he ever comes back. And yes he will bring everyone including their dead family members into the conversation (happened twice recently)
Denies any alternative approach that is not his own and will most likely alienate the person who proposed it for the next 2 days.
Always looking for a new thing/person to hate. Some time back I was the topic of discussion for them. Heard it from a guy outside of my friend circle. I think It started from something as trivial as me buying a new phone without telling him/them.
Sounds like the guy needs to experience the ban hammer.
I’m currently going through basically the exact same experience you’re having. It wasn’t easy, and only you know your situation, but I simply removed the group/persons from my life. I’ve been much healthier mentally since doing so. It hasn’t been easy but I highly recommend if you’re unable to resolve these issues by talking them out. Some people are just stuck in a childish mentality and it’s not your responsibility to work around/try to fix them. Sometimes it’s best to just move on.