No, not gross. Before I knew I was gay it more frustrating than anything. Like, I knew this was sexual, I knew I wanted to enjoy it, and I knew it made me horny. But it wasn’t enough to cross than line into, like, getting me there and being enjoyable. It wasn’t until I found my brother’s porn magazines that I really enjoyed porn, and that was because of the guys in it, and a few erotic stories in them written from women’s POV. I still didn’t realize I was gay or that it was the guys getting me there until one day, when I was like 13/14 and I had a blackberry. I found a site that had nude pictures of celebrities (some blog, not like a dedicated site), and there were (I’m assuming fake) nudes or Kirk Cameron on a boat. OMG, I got off so hard, and then went into full panic when I realized what that meant. Spent the next few years trying to figure out how to undo it. Lol.